- Porn Addiction
- Compulsive Gambling
- Sex Addiction
- Substance Dependency
- Love Addiction
- Recovery Support Groups
- Intervention Consulting
Treatment Services (Online):
1. Addiction Recovery
Are you afraid you are heading for a crash?
Are you feeling out of control, empty, isolated or numb?
Are you ready for recovery? To treat your addiction?
We help you break the cycle of addiction and we help you break-up from whatever your addicted to, be it a mind/mood altering substance, or an activity like sex, porn and gambling, or people, as in the case of love addiction and codependency. Breaking-up with your means of relief opens up the space for a new relationship, with your Self, to emerge.
Developing the relationship with Self is the turning point of your recovery, when you become empowered to transform the quality of your relationships, and enhance the quality of your life and wellbeing.
Reducing or eliminating the pain that drives addiction by creating emotionally nourishing relationships. Addiction naturally extinguishes itself when our needs for love and connection get met.
The relationship training provided is based on The Relationship Model of AddictionTM (TRMATM) and its Three Stages of Recovery, I- Breaking-up; II- Developing the Relationship with Self; III- Creating Emotionally Nourishing Relationships (relationship training).
2. Porn Addiction
“Real bodily excitement mixed with fantasy holds for many a fascination mixed with horror.” (R.D. Laing)
Would you like to better understand your relationship with pornographic images and how it has been impacting your life and relationships?
Did you ever wish you could stop your compulsive and habituated masturbatory involvement with pornographic images?
Are you avoiding relating to or having relationships with real people?
Millions of people are addicted to porn!
According to researchers, 17 percent of pornography users are compulsive, leading to distress and dysfunction (Cooper, Delmonico & Berg, 2000). Daspe and colleagues (2018) surveyed 1036 people between the ages of 18-35 and found that 73 percent of women and 98 percent of men reported internet porn use in the last 6 months. The dangers of potential abuse and addiction are deliberately covered up and misrepresented so that the public remains ignorant and to reinforce a consensus that porn as nothing more than “communication intended to excite sexual desire.”
Imagine your life and relationships without having to hide, isolate limit yourself to masturbatory rendez-vous’s with pornographic images.
Imagine breaking away from reliance on pornographic images and getting to a place where you actually prefer relating to real people.
Consider recovering from porn addiction to be the same as recovering from any other addiction. First you must break-up, that is, abstain from using pornographic images while masturbating, for a sustained period of time (6 -12 months) and the go through the breaking-up mindfully process. Until you break-up, you will be freaked out by the mere thought of being in a real relationship with a real person. There will be no incentive to ever leave the cocoon of your imagination and orgasmic rush of excitement you’ve grown accustomed to. But, at some point, reality comes crashing through your defenses and forces you to confront your pain, isolation and aloneness.
After breaking-up with porn, a space opens for a new relationship to emerge – with your Self. As you develop your relationship with your Self, you will have a buffer zone of safety within yourself that will allow you to risk vulnerability. No longer will you need to continue your affair with images, needing the relief and protection the images afford you.
You can do this, change your life; begin or continue, your recovery journey now!
3. Compulsive Gambling
As is the case with addictions in general, compulsive gambling is highly prevalent, has extremely high destructive potential and diminishment of function on all levels. Any type of gambling (racing, bingo, card games, dice games, lottery, slots, and sports betting) can become problematic.
You are not alone. It is estimated that roughly 80 percent of adult Americans gamble on an annual basis. Between 3 and 5 gamblers out of every 100 gamblers struggles with an addictive gambling disorder. It is estimated that nearly 750,000 young Americans, aged 14 to 21, suffers from a severe addictive gambling disorder. 40 percent of all gambling addicts began gambling before the age of 17. (Next Chapter June 14 2016)
Do you know whether or not you have a gaming problem? Do you wonder about that?
Is the last time you gambled and the next time you will all you can think about?
Do you hide or lie about your gambling to significant others?
Have you been “chasing” losses- trying to win back what you lost, increase the amounts you gamble, and lose more in the process?
Have you ever borrowed money, maxed out your credit cards, stolen or committed fraud, to gamble?
What makes compulsive gambling unique is that it is another process addiction, like porn, that doesn’t involve a mind and mood altering chemical but can induce a rush of excitement, an irresistible effect that hooks the compulsive gambler.
As is the case with all other addictions, it will be incumbent upon you to achieve a sustained period of stabilization or abstinence from gambling prior to entering into Stage I – the actual break-up process. After breaking-up, there will be a relatively brief void (withdrawal), in which the space opens for a new relationship, with your Self, to birth.
After Stage II- when you begin developing a relationship with your Self, you will be well on your ways towards a life that is nourished by relationships you’ve created, in which your need for love and connection get met. Imagine a life no longer driven by the need to gamble. Imagine having other things you’d rather do and people you’d rather be with. And imagine, the thrill is gone!
You can do this, change your life; begin or continue, your recovery journey now!
4. Substance Dependence
You are not alone. More people are resorting to mind/mood altering substances to relieve pain or feel better, i.e. alcohol, opiates, methamphetamine, prescription drugs, marijuana and many others, than all the other process addictions put together because they work. They can be counted on for relief. And there is such a variety to select from, so easily and readily available all of the time; and they are the easiest to conceal.
Just as with addiction in general, when in the throes of a chemical addiction, denial and delusion prevail. You lie and deceive yourself and others to keep the relationship concealed – keep the secret love affair secret. You lose all objectivity, as all that matters to you is the preservation of this relationship at all costs. You have no idea that you are carrying on the affair you can’t get out of even if you wanted to, and that is wrecking in your life.
Imagine no longer being consumed by your addiction, disconnected from yourself and isolated from the rest of the world. Imagine lifting the burden of shame you’ve been carrying for having to rely on a means of a substance to feel better. Imagine discovering a treasure trove of gifts, and awakening to the abundant source of nourishment that was lying dormant within you. Welcome to recovery!
The pain from unmet emotional needs diminishes and the need to relieve it using substances, naturally extinguishes when you are in healthy, nourishing relationships. But before are able to create them, you have to get through Stages I and II.
Upon “breaking-up,” after your “good-bye” to your affair, there will be a brief void (withdrawal), where the space eventually opens for a life-changing discovery to take place, and to begin developing the relationship with your Self - the transformational turning point of your recovery journey.
Your relationship with your Self is the springboard into Stage III, and is what ultimately empowers you to transform your relationships. Imagine the shift from being consumed by desperation for relief to a life of deep and meaningful connections, and relationships in which your needs for love and connection get met!
You can do this, change your life; begin or continue, your recovery journey now.
5. Sex Addiction
Sex addicts use sex (or sexually acting out) as the means of relief of the backlog of pain from unmet emotional needs. They pursue and are capable of only sexually based relationships, and can no longer function in non-sexually based relationships. They have trouble getting out of, and keeping themselves from getting into, some kind of sexual entanglement, one, or more, at a time. And, they too, will burn out from upholding false appearances and hiding behind eroding rationalizations.
Testimonials from Recovering Sex Addicts (From the Sex Addicts Anonymous Big Book);
“All of us were using our sexual powers and emotional investments to either lessen pain or augment pleasure. These pervasive motives governed our sexual and romantic involvements.”
“Many of us were so numbed by the blast of physical and emotional intensity, we’ve become deadened, dissipated beings. Like a cattle prod jammed into someone who is exhausted and dazed, we’re jolted into the temporary illusion that we were really alive and really living.”
“Obsession and compulsion are now our masters, meaning that meaning and control over our sexual and emotional lives or sound judgment no longer reside in us…We had lost control over the rate or frequency (or both) at which we would seek the sexual or romantic solution to life’s ills. We had lost control over whether we had admitted it to ourselves or not.”
Imagine being able to see and admit to having a problem, having become addicted to sex. Imagine a life in which you are no longer objectifying people, but rather looking to make deeper, more meaningful connections and being in relationships in which your need for love gets met. No longer will your life revolve your need to relieve pain. Imagine lifting the burden of secrecy that has been burning you out.
Life changes in recovery, as long as you are working a program.
As is the case when recovering from other addictions, Stage I of your recovery journey is a process of breaking-up with sex, and all sexually based relationships. You must achieve a sustained period of stabilization/abstinence (6 months to a year) prior to beginning the process of breaking-up mindfully. You will, over time, come clean about the lengths you’ve gone to preserve your secret life. You cop to the lying, covering-up, hiding and deceit. The Breaking-up Mindfully process leaves you at the doorstep to your heart and soul. And when you open the door, you’ll be heading towards a whole new life, and relationships in which your need for love gets met.
You can do this, change your life; begin or continue, your recovery journey now.
6. Couples Therapy
If there was one thing a couple has to be able to do for their relationship is to grow and deepen over time, it would be their ability to just talk to each other about how they are feeling in the relationship and towards each other. If you could be honest and real with each other about anything that comes up, and for each to represent his or her own experience, chances are, the relationship with be a lasting and nourishing one. However, being able to just talk to each other is much easier said than done.
Most couples seeking therapy would answer affirmatively to the majority of the following questions:
Do you tend to avoid difficult feelings and conflicts?
Are you existing together in an atmosphere of tension and distance?
Feel like you are going around and around like a broken record?
Feeling more disconnected than connected? More frustrated and burned out than nourished and energized?
Having doubts about the future of your relationship?
Relationship training with couples breathes new life into relationships by:
- Creating a safe space for sharing openly and honestly about whatever is going on, and,
- Showing you how to create and preserve a safe space on your own.
- Honing in on the issues, feelings and conversations that have long been avoided and left unresolved, and,
- Facilitating exchanges in which you practice talking to each other about whatever needs to be talked about, and feel closer and more connected in the process.
- Teaching you how to set boundaries or a demarcation point that distinguishes between, “two separate, autonomous Selves” (‘me’ and 'you’), while also pointing out where you overlap - in the sacred space of co-creation, called 'us.'
- Disentangling “merged” relationships by clarifying whose issues are whose issues, and whose to deal with, and which issues belong in the sacred space of co-creation, where you make plans, agreements and problem-solve.
- Providing opportunities for self-work so that each person can bring him or herself more fully to the relationship.
“An healthy, intimate relationship requires two separate, autonomous Selves, who build a bridge of understanding that connects them.”
Codependency is the need to be needed; taking care of others at one’s expense and to one’s detriment and putting other’s needs above one’s own. Codependency is a deeply ingrained pattern of considering others before oneself, spending more time and attention on others than on oneself.
Here are some questions to consider that will help you to identify codependent tendencies.
- Do you avoid conflict at all costs?
- Do you believe a bad relationship is better than no relationship?
- Are you preoccupied with your partner's addiction or other problems?
- Do you make excuses or cover up your partner's behavior to other people?
If you answer, “yes” to any of the above, you may be interested in looking further into the severity of your codependency.
On a surprising note, most recovering addicts are latent codependents. Given that most recovering codependents were relating that way all of their lives needing others to need them; putting other’s wellbeing above their own; unconsciously objectifying others who serve as a means of relief, which makes them prone to investing more emotionally in the other than themselves; their needs are the last on the totem pole of priority. Recovery begins when they recognize that they have been living externally based lives.
The recovery journey for codependents is a process of “re-prioritization” – learning to put yourself first in all encounters and situations, what’s best for you. Before acting or responding to anyone or anything at any time, you check yourself, i.e. what’s going on in you, what’s in your best interests, your truth, and what matters most to you.
Stage II – discovering and developing the relationship with Self mark the beginning of the end of dependency-based relationships, a transformational turning point. In Stage II, you begin shifting your relating paradigm from other-centered to self-centered, from externally located to internally located.
Imagine feeling empowered and inspired, connected and creative, and deriving emotional nourishment –love – from your relationships with your Self, as well as, your relationships with others. Imagine making your relationship with your Self as being your primary relationship. Imagine never having to worry about losing yourself in a relationship again.
You can do this; begin or continue, your recovery journey now!
8. Recovering Singles
“Relationships continue from where the begin.”
Did you know that dating is an ideal training ground that prepares you for the rigors of a longer-term relationship?
We’ll close the gap between the lure of the potential to connect and what it actually takes to realize that potential.
We view relating and connecting, as art forms. As is the case with any art form, basic principles apply and essential skills must be honed. There is a requisite level of proficiency that makes the magic happen – to conceive a relationship.
We get you ready to relate, feel like you are ready for anything, and ready for the best and worst that can happen (the four basic dating scenarios). ‘Readiness’ is also the mindset that conception of a relationship can occur at anytime, anywhere, least expectedly.
Regardless of what you’ve been through in your life, whether trauma, addiction, instability, anxiety or depression, or lack of healthy role models, or know only of a merry-go-round of failed relationships, you can do this and we’ll show you how.
- Become more confident, feel that you know what you are doing and are “ready for anything.”
- Feel more comfortable being yourself, open and honest in all of your relationships and relating encounters.
- Increase your chances of making a connection by acting authentically and communicating your truth.
- Learn and grow from every encounter, regardless of the outcome of any one.
- Become more connectable, magnetic and attractive!